雨落心轩

L: hi, there, how's everything going?
R: well, I guess...OK.
L: Then what are you thinking about, I mean, always. You did not seem to be happy.
R: Oh...do I? I don't?
L: Nope. Well, just tell me, you can trust me, you know.
R: Actually, I don't know it myself. I am just...erh...upset?
L: about what?
R: About myself. Recently, I was a little...how to say, easy to get angry at anything. I don't know why I'm like this. I don't wanna be, you know. This kind of situation is so out of my control. I was supposed to be kind, patient, gentle, you know, something like that. But now, I'm so easy to lose temper. Sometimes, I'm even afraid of myself.
L: Oh, poor girl, are you too stressed about anything? It seems you are really bothered by something.
R: I don't know. too stressed? Maybe. there are things keeping coming up recently to me, you know, the house-building thing, the mother and Dad's girlfriend thing, the Dad's bad temper thing, the grandparents thing, and the workshop thing, and my lost control of myself thing. Sometimes I felt so helpless that I could only give myself a hug for comfort. And the worst part is I can see all this kind of things would be happening or lasting afterwards for quite sometime and I even have no way out. And thinking of even more complicated relationship after marriage, you know, I would marry some one one day anyway though now with no boyfriend, I just wanna run away from all this mess. I was confused, upset, and bothered by all of these, you know, Life sucks!
L: Calm down, dear. Take it easy. It has not been so bad, right? Don't be too nervous. Sometimes I feel you are too easy to get nervous. This is not a bad thing. At lease it shows your consideration and caring, but please, do not push yourself too much, ok? That will really exhaust you.
R: Thanks, dear. I know what you said, but I just can't help it. And all the problems keep coming up, which is really annoying.
L: I can see that. But why don't you try to analyse them and see what the worst situation shall be. I don't think you can not afford that.
R: Well, let me see...Yep, to some extent, I could. Yes, I believe I can.
L: Then that's OK. Now that you can handle the worst situation, why are you so nervous? I believe with your effort, things won't go that bad, right?
R: I'm not sure of that. But you know, I'll always try my best. Then even it has not reached my expectation, there would be no regret.
L: Yeah, I know that. That's good. That's a positive attitude. I like that. Now, how're you feeling?
R: Much better, thanks you.
L: Don't thank me, thank yourself. I am you, I just wanna help myself. Now that all is down, let's move on. see ya.
R: see ya.


a return to American TV series? I don't know. Recently, I was fond of watching 'how I met your mother' and 'Kyle XY'. I love latter more. For one thing, it has a story which appeals to me, for another, it tells about people's choice of life and family. Though it is mainly about life of several high school students, it's not that boring. It shows the pain of growing up and the effort we made to become a good person. Well, I hope there would be a Season 3 afterwards. and 'how I met your mother' is purely a comic one, very much like 'friends', just for fun.

The one before last weekend, we went to Dinosaur Park to celebrate Zhu's birthday. From this experience, I could see I'm really growing old fast. Maybe not only me, but also us. I found at my age, I'd rather stay at home, watching TV or surfing on the net instead of going to any parks for any exciting games. This is, how to say, a mom's preferance, but not a girl...I was scared by this realization. I am so old?

事已至此，伤心难过是无用，气馁放弃更是不该。还是找个时间，静静地回想一下，总结一下，看看到底失误在哪里？下一次，可别再犯同样的错误。

 

只是只是只是，略有不甘，我却究竟错在哪里？

 

现在，朝前看吧。新的岗位会有新的气象，当然也有新问题，但是只要努力做人做事，终有一天能取得成绩的。不要怕，最差也就是如此。那么，勇敢向前吧，至少现在，已无可失去。

 

加油，Fighting!

其实现在说这句话ms已经迟了，我已经身不由己，不由自主，无法抗拒地长大了。唉。。。

 

心累啊。某天在电梯里遇见一送水还是修理工老伯，只有我们两人在电梯，他说小姑娘在这里上班惬意嗒。我说，这话也难说的，各有各的辛苦。他笑。然后我就先下了。是啊是啊，自私的我们总是看到自己的辛苦，别人的成绩，却往往忽视了自己享受的福利和别人背后的艰辛。所以，人的心是偏的。

 

胡言乱语，只是真的不想长大，不想懂事，不想圆滑，不想世故，不想，真的不想。请原谅我这一刻，说我真的不想长大。

最近很不顺。所谓天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心智，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行弗乱其所为，所以动心忍性，增益其所不能。这中间所有的磨练在我身上一一实现，最近。可是貌似状况有恶化趋势。

 

是我太傻太天真，还是这个社会太糟太黑暗？

 

也不是不可以随波逐流，人云亦云，只是，这样的改变真的值得吗？我之所以是我，就是为着我有独立的思想，我自己的坚持，我的价值观，我的，做人的原则。如果改变，我还是我吗？是否为了理想，需要改变这些？

 

在这之前，我告诉自己：如果理智与感性发生矛盾，选择理智；如果无法判断究竟哪个是理智哪个是感性，听从自己的心。可是如果心已改变，不再保留最后的一点淳朴，那么，我还能听从我的心吗？

 

也许还是因为我不够强吧。都说天才们都是不可理解的怪异的生物，其实是因为他们有资格与众不同。而如我之类的芸芸众生，也许就是因为才华不够出众，所以不得不勉强自己适应生活。这样勉强着勉强着，就成了习惯了。。。

 

心情不好，行文亦悲观。这是不好的。还是要努力，奋斗，即使不能实现理想，亦可无愧无悔此生矣！

 

Fighting!

天地不仁，以万物为刍狗！然而人间有情，必将共度难关。

 

我所能做的，只是捐一点点钱，然后为所有第一线的受害者和救助者祈祷，祝福。

起因是老妈告诉我说她去给我算了命，我问结果如何。她说“它”说其他的都好的，就是这小姑娘在姻缘上有点难的。我说喔，那我要去摆个桃花阵，好多多桃花。老妈骇笑。

 

然后开始分析算命此事。算命，其实非国人特色，世界各地都有从事相关行业的专家。中国自《易经》起，算命此行日渐发扬光大。中间虽然遭遇过很多磨难，但是此业就如野草般，野火烧不尽，春风吹又生。究其原因，无外乎人们对未知事务的无限好奇，对未来的无限憧憬。格么，算命到底准不准呢？理性主义者大多说此为无稽之谈。原因忒简单，要是该大师真能算命准确，又怎会落得要靠算命来养家糊口？所以有人说，理性主义者大约都是无趣之人，确实。谁又能确定该大师的理想和爱好不是给人算命呢？你看，浪漫的想法应该是这样：大师是多么幸福啊，可以做自己最爱做的事，并且以此来赚钱。世上最幸福的事莫过于此。。。

 

请无视以上莫名齐妙的言论，其实我是想到，如果把人脑看成是一台电脑，如果输入足够的信息，然后开始运算，格么，就像解一道给了足够条件的数学应用题一样，总是能推算出正确的结论。同样的，算命，如果给出足够多的信息，确实可以算出近期会发生的事，而所要算的时间点跟现在相距越远，那么不确定因素就越多，计算量就越大，且可能性也越多，要达到精确，所需耗费的能量也就越多。而一个人能提供给大脑的能量在一定时间内是有限的，如果所需能量接近或达到或超过所提供的能量，那么这个算命的人就会出现很严重的能量透支，也就是小说和电影里面常常出现的那些透露天机的算命者因此而身体虚弱甚至一命呜呼的原因了。其实也有一点点依据支撑这个理论来的。。。众所周知，计算机是二进制，而《易经》里面也是二进制，什么阴阳两极，四柱，八卦，六十四什么什么。。。

 

这样无聊无趣，唉，仅以此异想天开的文求桃花。。。